so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize