I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
