Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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