I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
