I got chris browned last night
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
