I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize