I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
