he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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