I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
