marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
