Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
