I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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