his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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