Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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