Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
