just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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