nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
