Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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