I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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