i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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