I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
