I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
