They should really pass out barf bags in church
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
