She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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