And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
