and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
