Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
