just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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