I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
