just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
