how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize