Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
