It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
