My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
