I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
