I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
