He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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