i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
