I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
