Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
please come you make the beer taste better
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
