So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
