I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
