someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
