don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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