ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
