remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
