you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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