have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
