Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
