I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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