remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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