i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
