im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
