I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
