Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
