Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
