I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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