What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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