so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
