My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
