what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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