i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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