if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize