It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize