yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize