Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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