Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Come share oat with me in your robe
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
