I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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