he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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