Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize