he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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