last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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