are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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