Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
