I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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