I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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