Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
