Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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