His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
