i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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