She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ugly people sure do ruin things
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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