i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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