First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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