I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You ruined the universe
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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