No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
