By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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