Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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