And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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