my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
