smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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