Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
