Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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