i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
