Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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