do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize