saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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