so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
