What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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