I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The power of my boobs compel you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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