i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
