At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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