he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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