I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize